Tuesday, October 13, 2009

"The Only Trouble Is..."

"...you gave me the missiles before I gave you the sanctions. And that's not good business. So off you go."

Hillary and Barack get body-slammed by the Kremlin. Reminds me of the classic Monty Python sketch about the charity worker (Terry Jones) trying to get a donation from a rich banker (John Cleese):

Jones: Would you like to contribute to the orphans' home, sir?

Cleese: Orphans' Home, is it? Jolly good! We here at Slater-Darcy have been rather keen to get into orphans – growing market and all that. What sort of amount did you have in mind?

Jones: Well, you are a very rich man, sir.

Cleese: Quite right! I am a rich man. Very, very, very, very, very very rich. What a bright little fellow! Yes, I do own the most startling quantities of cash.

Jones: [rattling cup] Well, how about a pound, sir?

Cleese: A pound? I see. And this loan would be secured by a ....

Jones: [interrupting] It's not a loan, sir.

Cleese: It's what?

Jones: It's not a loan, sir, it's a gift.

Cleese: A what?

Jones: A gift. [holding out “I Gave” button] You get one of these.

Cleese: [examining it] Bit small for a shares certificate, isn't it? Look, I wonder if I could just run this over to our Legal Department and if you could possibly pop back in on Friday...

Jones: Oh, sir, couldn't you just give me the money now?

Cleese: Yes, but, you see, I have to know what the money is for.

Jones: Well, you give me the pound, and then I go and give it to the orphans.

Cleese: Oh, I see! A tax dodge!

Jones: No, sir. It's not a tax dodge.

Cleese: Look, I don't want to seem stupid, but it seems like I'm a pound down on the whole deal.

Jones: You are, sir!

Cleese: Then what is my incentive to give you the money?

Jones: It's to make the orphans happy.

Cleese: Happy? [long pause] Look, are you sure you've got this right?

Jones: Sure, lots of people give me money.

Cleese: Hmmm. I don't suppose you have a list of their names and addresses, do you?

Jones: No, sir, I just go up to them on the street and ask.

Cleese: Good Lord! That's the most exciting new idea I've heard in years! Why it's...it's so simple it's brilliant! If that's not worth a pound I'd like to know what is!

Jones: Thank you, sir! [holds out cup]

Cleese: The only problem is, you gave me the idea before I'd given you the pound, and that's not good business.

Jones: It's not?

Cleese: No. So off you go! [opens trapdoor under Jones]

You don't make concessions and then go to the negotiating table! You make concessions at the negotiating table!

Too much education and not enough experience.

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