Super Script

Say Uncle has an item that refers to a certain retired CBS newsman as Dan Ra^ther.

Clever!

Stand-Up Comedy

My son the stand-up comedian has added a new joke to his act:

My parents were divorced when I was twelve. My mom took half of everything my dad owned, and now they don't speak. Well, it's hard for him to get to the phone with only one crutch.

Bada-bing!

Fake-Memo Thread

Don't you dare miss the comments section over at Sharp As A Marble about Robb's posting of a transparently obvious forgery of another transparently obvious forgery.

"The memo mentions an HMO. There were no HMOs in 1962! Gotcha!"

"Hawaii's first HMO was started in 1956 in Honolulu. Gotcha!"

"Doctor Hodges wasn't even on duty that night. Gotcha!"

"There was no 'Dr. Hodges' assigned to that hospital in 1962. Gotcha!"

"That memo's a fake! If it was really from Hawaii, it would be written in Hawaiian. Gotcha!"

"There's a ring left by a coffee cup on the memo and the lab says it's Hawaiian Kona coffee! Gotcha!"

"You 'birthers' are all gonna die, and all of your inbred children, too!"

"The memo was typewritten and it was faxed. That's double proof!"

Priceless.

Fender-Bender

In Philadelphia last August, there was a 3:00 AM fender-bender between two motorists who had valid CCW permits, and both were armed.

Nothing happened. There were some angry words exchanged, but no shots were fired and no guns were displayed.

But one of the motorists was the son of an on-duty police officer, who tracked down the occupants of the other car and found them a few minutes later in a convenience store. He can be seen in the picture above, pressing his gun into the neck of the female passenger. She claims the officer screamed at her, "'You think you can hit my son and get away with it, you think you can f--- with me?'" Another witness, the store clerk, corroborated her account. She was charged with assaulting the officer.

As the arrest proceeded, other officers arrived on the scene. According to the store clerk, he was told three times, by two officers, to get rid of the security tapes.

A week later, the convenience store delivered copies of all four security camera tapes to Internal Affairs. The tapes corroborated the woman's testimony and contradicted the cop's report and his sworn testimony to the judge who issued the indictment. All charges against the woman were dropped. The officer was disarmed and assigned to desk duty for eight days, then returned to full duty.

Internal Affairs did not proceed with charges against the officers who wanted the security tapes to disappear. Perhaps because they merely suggested it, as in, "Why don't you do yourself a favor and get rid of the camera tapes?"

The interesting thing to me about this story is the ironic juxtaposition: the armed civilians behaved peacefully and responsibly, but the police acted like hoodlums and gangsters, tried to intimidate witnesses and destroy evidence.

Disciplinary action against the officer is still pending. A lawsuit is likely.

h/t Sailor Curt and Say Uncle.

Now Reading...

Wonderful collection of hard-boiled detective fiction from pulp magazines in the 1920's to 1940's. Best line so far:

Her eyes were like oysters on a white plate.
- Honest Money by Erle Stanley Gardner, published in Black Mask, November 1932.

My Fellow Federal Criminals!

Judge Alex Kozinski and Misha Tseytlin wrote an excellent essay about out-of-control federal law-making, and there's expert commentary at the Volokh Conspiracy. Excerpt:

The vast scope of federal criminal law is a very serious problem. Because of it, most Americans are effectively at the mercy of federal officials whenever they might choose to come after us. We are used to thinking of "criminals" as a small subset of the population. In that happy state of affairs, criminal law threatens only a small number of people, most of whom have committed genuinely heinous acts. But when we are all federal criminals, perfectly ordinary citizens can easily get swept up in the net simply by being unlucky or because they ran afoul of federal prosecutors or other influential officials. Overcriminalization also leads to the longterm imprisonment of hundreds of thousands of nonviolent people (mostly as a result of the War on Drugs, but many for other reasons as well) who haven't caused any harm to the person or property of others.

h/t Snowflakes In Hell.

P.S. One commenter points out that it may be a federal crime to use a pseudonym on MySpace or Blogger:

Maybe. Maybe not. But it's not obvious enough for a judge to dismiss an indictment before trial.

Virginia Carry Permit Training Over The Internet

Available from the Concealed-Carry Institute.

It's a 20-question multiple-choice/true-false/fill-in-the-blank test for $40. If you pass, you can print out your own certificate of completion.

IT'S THE LAW! Effective July 1st, 2009, the Certificate of Completion issued by the Concealed Carry Institute is to be accepted by every circuit court in Virginia, as well as by the State Police for their issuance of Non-resident permits. Section 18.2-308 (G)(7), Code of Virginia, 1950, as amended.

It may be the law in Virginia, but I am concerned that when other states learn that one can get a CHL in Virginia without ever touching a gun, they will rescind their reciprocity agreements.

From their FAQ:

Don’t you have to fire a gun to qualify for a Concealed Handgun Permit?
No. Virginia law calls for taking a firearms training OR a safety class. Learning handgun safety does not entail live fire, shooting for a minimum score, or even touching a gun. This course satisfies Virginia law in that it teaches firearms safety. For anyone who wants to develop or improve marksmanship skills, we recommend learning firearms training from a professional instructor using live fire and shooting for a minimum score. This class provides a strong foundation for one to begin live fire training.

Vermont-style concealed-carry works very well in-state, but outside of your home state you're going to need that slip of paper.

'Course, in a perfect world we wouldn't need to have licenses at all, but this is not a perfect world.

Filing Each Others' Nails? In Public? Oh, Now They've Gone Too Far!

Report on The Freestate Project in New Hampshire.

Man Bites Dog

From MediaBistro's FishbowlDC:

US Navy Commander Jeffrey D. Gordon has filed a sexual harassment complaint against the Miami Herald's Carol Rosenberg.

Gordon is the Gitmo Press Officer. He alleges that she said:

To me, in front of another journalist with reference to why 9/11 co-defendant Mustafa Al Hawsawi was seated on a pillow in court:

"Have you ever had a red hot poker shoved up your a**? Have you ever had a broomstick shoved up your a**? Have you ever had anything in your a**? How would you know how it feels if it never happened to you? Admit it, you liked it? No wonder why you like to stay in South Beach on your Miami visits."

Rosenberg, to CNN's Jamie McIntyre in front of roughly 15 journalists in the Guantanamo Commission's press center:

To Jamie - "Aren't you in the BOQ (Bachelor Officers Quarters)? I didn't think you were in tent city because these people (military public affairs escorts) are so far up your ass that I figured you must be in the BOQ."

To Me [Gordon] - "Why isn't he in the BOQ? You're kissing his ass so much that I can't believe that you're letting him stay with the rest of us. Do you love him?"

Here's the ad that popped up when I read the page:

Tobacco Plaintiff Dies At 89

He smoked two packs a day for over 75 years. He smoked right up until his death.

His wife said, "I begged him to stop."

And, of course, it killed him.

In his lawsuit he claimed that the tobacco companies failed to warn people that smoking would shorten their lives. A jury agreed, and awarded the plaintiffs $145 billion.

"One Picture Is Worth..."

OK, the floor is now open for humorous observations.

From There, I Fixed It!

h/t Clayton Cramer.

Super-Secure Passwords

Slate has an interesting article on creating easy-to-remember passwords.

Here's a method I found a couple of years ago that works for me.

First, consider the top row of letters on a keyboard: QWERTYUIOP

Now, drop the first and last letters: WERTYUIO

Compose a three-letter word from those eight letters: ROT, YOU, TWO, WET, for example. That's the only part you have to remember, the rest is a pattern.

To use the password, say Rot, type a capital "R". Then type the six uppercase characters of the keys that surround the "R" key, starting at the one o'clock position and proceeding clockwise: R%TFDE$. Then do the same thing with the second letter, "O", but in lower case only: o0plki9. And the same thing with "T": t6ygfr5.

So now you have a 21-character password: R%TFDE$o0plki9t6ygfr5.

The password includes upper and lower case letters, numerals and punctuation, and you only have to remember three letters.

I Emailed Senator Thune

Here's what I wrote:

Dear Senator Thune,

May a non-constituent offer congratulations for your amendment?

I realize that it could not invoke cloture, but 58 votes is a triumph, and you should be proud of that.

May I also offer a suggestion for a similar amendment?

Require all Federal enclaves (District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, Guam, U.S. Virgin Islands, etc.) to honor concealed-carry licenses from the 50 states. This would avoid the "states rights" and "federalism" arguments. Since the Heller decision applies to Federal enclaves only, at the present time anyway, there seems to be no impediment to requiring Federal enclaves to honor CCW licenses issued by the 50 states.

And thanks again for your principled stand on this issue.

Turk Turon

What's On Earth Tonight?

They're watching The Sopranos on Sirius. Or they would be except that HBO doesn't own any transmitters! Still....

Very cool. h/t The Munchkin Wrangler.

The Stapler Policy Center

There actually isn't any Stapler Policy Center, but there should be.

According to the Boston Globe, there have been 112 deaths "linked to" the use of surgical staplers.

That's more than twice the number who "were killed" by CCW holders, according to the Violence Policy Center.

Senator Mark Pryor - Man Of Conviction

That's sarcasm. The guy is a weak little toady. He says he represents Arkansas in the U.S. Senate. The way he switched his vote on the Thune Amendment, I'm not so sure. Here's the WaPo:

After a morning of angry speeches, a vote was called at high noon. Toward the end of the vote, Pryor entered the chamber through the back door, took a few steps inside, flashed a thumbs-down to the clerk, and retreated as fast and furtively as somebody dodging gunfire.

Several minutes later, the Democrats had racked up more than enough votes to block the proposal. "Are there any senators in the chamber wishing to vote or wishing to change their vote?" the presiding officer inquired.

Pryor burst back in, this time through a side door. "Mr. President!" he called out. "Mr. President!" He stopped in the well to consult with Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.), a gun-control advocate who was keeping the whip sheet. Schumer gave Pryor a nod, and the Arkansan -- reassured that his vote was not needed to defeat the proposal -- changed his vote to an "aye."

What was the old saying about sausage and legislation? Those who enjoy the end-product ought not to look too closely at the process.

What a sneaky little bastard! I would not want to share a foxhole with a creep like that.

h/to the indispensable Dave Hardy.

Browning Mansion For Sale

Ogden, Utah. Eight bedroom mansion on a corner lot with two full baths and two half-baths. $374,900. Built in 1900 for John Moses Browning.

h/t to Countertop and Snowflakes.

Corrections Officer Slain In Burglary

He was burglarizing a home when he was shot by a resident.

Sad.

Could Josh Sugarmann use this as another example of a law-enforcement officer shot to death by a person with a carry permit?

Nope. Here's Pima County Sheriff's spokeswoman Dawn Barkman:

“He was involved. He was a suspect. I don’t care if he was a corrections officer,” Barkman said.

Forget it, Jake. It's Tucson.

"An Astounding Coincidence"

Democratic Senator Harry Reid is bringing the Concealed Carry Reciprocity Bill to a vote in the U.S. Senate.

Today!

According to Politico:

Reid says the bill deserves a hearing and reflects his commitment to supporting gun rights in a state that sanctifies the Second Amendment. Other Democrats say he approved the vote out of personal political necessity — to avoid the ire of the National Rifle Association during the 2010 elections.

“Nobody’s angry at Harry, but it’s created a problem for us,” says a Democratic aide, speaking on condition of anonymity. “There’s a huge level of sympathy for him, because we don’t want to have another Daschle situation.”

That was, of course, a reference to Tom Daschle, the last Democratic majority leader who was knocked off in 2004, by Republican John Thune.

By astounding coincidence (not), Thune, now the No. 4 man in the Senate, just happens to be the guy who authored the current amendment to allow licensed gun owners to transport their weapons across state lines.

“This has nothing to do with electoral politics,” said Reid spokesman Jim Manley, who emphasized that the amendment has the support of many other Democrats besides Reid.

h/t Say Uncle.

Road Trip

Last week I set off by car for the Indy Blogmeet. I made the trip over a three-day period, allowing for stops in Dayton, for the U.S. Air Force Museum and in Fairfield, Ohio for Jungle Jim's Food Emporium. I arrived in Indy Friday afternoon.

Along the way I saw a woman driving this car.
Perhaps her husband is a urologist.

The Air Force Museum was amazing. It is located at Wright Patterson Air Force Base, and many of the planes on display were “flown in”, i.e. the actual plane on display was flown to the base, prepped, and then towed into place in the museum.

Some of the highlights:

A Messerschmidt ME-262 jet fighter and a cutaway engine.

A rocket-powered “Comet” interceptor.

B-52 bomber. Unbelievable large; within its turning radius were parked at least a dozen smaller planes, and even then it looked to me as if the last 10-20 feet of each wing had been “trimmed off” to fit it into the hangar. The landing gear were especially impressive.

P-51 Mustang

Nose art on WWII combat planes. Pretty funny!

“Bock's Car”, the plane that fired the last shot of the Second World War, obliterating Nagasaki.

A-10 “Warthog” tank killer and its extraordinary main weapon, the 30-mm gatling gun.

AC-130 “Spectre” gunship “Azrael”. Fresh from Afghanistan. Damn! Can you imagine firing a howitzer from an airplane?! Some of the pilots were women, and they took advantage of the Taliban's primitive views of women by speaking over the radio (they knew the other side was listening) as they flew overhead, and freaking out the enemy. “Azrael” is the angel of death from the Koran.

Double P-51: the F-82.

MIG-15

SR-71 Blackbird.

There was also an RAF Tornado fighter-bomber, MIG-25, B-1, B-2, Stealth F-117, WWII Night Fighters, P-51, P-39, and a rare “double P-51” - a pair of them connected at the wing.

F-22 Raptor.

The next day I was at Jungle Jim's Food World in Fairfield, Ohio. What a place! They had a walk-in cigar humidor, and the biggest display of exotic hot sauces on the planet.




No visit to Indianapolis is complete without a couple of hours spent wandering through Fry's Electronics, home of the world's largest motherboard petting zoo. I picked up some excellent DVDs for less than a sawbuck: “Thief” directed by Michael Mann, David Mamet's “Heist” with Gene Hackman, Danny DeVito and Delroy Lindo and “Absence of Malice” with Paul Newman. Also found a copy of “Our Man In Havana” with Alec Guinness, Noel Coward and Ernie Kovacs (!).

That night we saw “Public Enemies”, directed by Michael Mann with his usual impeccable attention to detail in the guns and shooting. Highly recommended. Thompsons, BARs, 1911s and even a full-auto 1903 in 38-Super wielded by Baby Face Nelson. Heard an interesting story. It seems that the son of the gunsmith who converted the 1903 pistol to full-auto was on a tour of the FBI headquarters in Washington, DC not long ago. When the staff heard who he was, they brought the gun up from the vault so that he could hold his father's handiwork; they still had it after all these years!

Tam and Roberta X keep the content coming, even in restaurants!

Sunday we arrived at the Eagle Creek range, only to find that it was closed to civilians for unscheduled police pistol qualifying. Sumpins gotta be done about that! But the urge to send rounds down range was strong with us, so we drove an hour to the Atterbury range. Tam brought a 1903 Browning in 38-auto and a Colt pocket pistol in honor of the Dillinger movie. I shoulda brought my Detective Special with the unshrouded ejector pin! Atterbury has the toughest safety procedures that I have ever seen at a range, but I will say that the facility itself is very impressive; it was completely rebuilt two years ago.

Roberta X firing the 1903 Browning.

Turk firing the 1903 Browning. Note the orange bracelets issued by the RSO.

And the Indy Blogmeet was the usual delight, with Roberta X, Tam, Shootin' Buddy, Joanna, Shermlock, Old Grouch, Nathan and Jerry. Missing were Ahab, Brigid, James, Og, Farmer Frank, RobD and Breda.

I made the trip from Indy to Alexandria in one long 12-hour drive. My 14-year-old Toyota Corolla purred like a kitten, no problemo!

To avoid traveling through Maryland, which does not recognize my Virginia permit, I found a route which passes through the thinnest part of the Maryland panhandle, which is only two miles wide at that point. And I fully intended to stop before entering Maryland and stow the gat legally, unloaded and triple-locked in the trunk. But the border is not marked and I blasted from West Virginia, through Maryland and into Pennsylvania without realizing it. This route adds an hour to the travel time, but it passes through the charming town of Berkeley Springs, WV which seems to have some intriguing independent restaurants. I had to pass 'em by, but if I pass through during mealtime, I am definitely going to stop.